JonBenet Ramsey on the web
BOULDER -- While the JonBenet Ramsey murder investigation has never quite hit the fast lane, those who follow the case religiously have clogged the information superhighway.
Type the words ``JonBenet Ramsey '' into any Internet search engine, and you will get 8,000-9,000 matches.
The various Websites offer timelines, photos, tributes, chat rooms and theories.
One even features online after-life Ouija board discussions with JonBenet.
But the cyber-JonBenet freaks are not all tabloid subscribers who claim to have ridden in UFOs.
The police read the discussion groups every day.
So does Suzanne Laurion, the district attorney's media assistant.
``My major purpose in checking the sites is that a number of reporters also do it,'' she said. ``That way I get a heads-up as to what I might be asked about. I always give a `no comment,' but at least it's a thoughtful `no comment.' ''
The leader of the mainstream Web pack is a woman who calls herself ``Mrs. Brady.'' She offers daily updates on the case, listings of crime-related topics on the talk shows and a directory of the latest tabloid rumors.
But Mrs. Brady comes off as normal as Florence Henderson when compared to some of the other JonBenet aficionados.
One man has posted a multipage statement outlining and defending one of the most far-fetched theories yet -- Andrew Cunanan killed JonBenet.
Others say Druids committed the murder as part of a year-end ritual. Satanic cults also take their share of the blame.
Another discussion group writer offers an interesting interpretation of the ransom note. He identifies the ``small foreign faction'' as a Korean-based gang.
He says the S.B.T.C. initials in the ransom note stand for South Boulder Trailer Court and that the $118,000 ransom demand means the culprits were staying in ``Room'' 118 of the trailer court.
Another discussion thread goes on at length about the significance of pink flamingos in the Ramseys ' yard. There is spirited debate over whether they are flamingos or swans.
While some use the Internet to put forward their theories on the case, others take things a bit further.
The JonBenet Ramsey Ouija Case File is a series of five ``conversations'' with the slain girl and her ``guardian spirit'' and friend, Brian.
Brian, by the way, believes the killer was left-handed, according to one ``conversation.'' He refused to identify the slayer, however, preferring to ``wait for God's judgment on this matter.''
In that same November 1997 communication, JonBenet is quoted as saying that ``Mom and Dad'' will be tried for her killing. She is also quoted as saying there is ``a secret hidden in the basement under the stairs.''
Poetry and song also dot the JonBenet cyber landscape. One woman offers a sincere but bizarre song called ``Ode to JonBenet,'' designed to match the music of the Bobby Gentry song ``Ode to Billy Joe.''
And of course there are the cynics, skeptics and wise guys.
A self-described ``beat-up old hippie'' named Don Wrege offers audio downloads of a series of parody songs making fun of the police, DA Alex Hunter and the media.
His ballads include offerings such as ``Hang Down Your Head, Tom Koby,''``Big Bad John ( Ramsey )'' and ``Werewolf of Boulder.''
Perhaps Wrege's most appropriate parody is one based on the 1960s song by Jay and the Americans called ``Only In America.''
It's called ``Only In Boulder.''